Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
