i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
