there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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