Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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