We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
