youre lurking in front of me
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
