I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Can Purell be used as lube?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
