He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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