Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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