Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
