Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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