Heybabeimwearingurpanties
The best revenge is premature balding
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
