he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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