All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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