i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
