we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
