I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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