I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
