Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
