While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
