It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Congratulations! We have a period
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
