so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
