Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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