3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
she peed on how many people?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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