"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
