Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
