It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
