wrigley field is MILF paradise
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
