hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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