My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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