My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
