I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
