This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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