yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Randomize
