so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
