YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Of course I have a pirate flag
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Randomize
