I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I need to sanitize my soul.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
