and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
