I just pynch a tree in the face
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
