Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
