so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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