Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
