Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She even gives head with a lisp.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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