I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
