I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
