I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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