Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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