I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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