Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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