i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
