im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
